hidup semakin mencabar...

agak lama jugak tidak menjenguk blog ni..macam2 perkara yang berlaku..ada yang baik dan ada yang teruk..walaubagaimanapun ia tetap mangajar aku untuk terus hidup di dunia realiti.kehidupan seseorang hamba Allah itu bermula ketika saatnya ia menghembuskan nafas dan keluar dari rahim ibunya..dan ianya akan berakhir saat ia meghembus nafasnya yang terakhir..sekarang aku berada di peringkat pertengahan..aku suda lalui detik keluar dari rahim ibuku untuk melihat dunia..kini aku sedang menikmati hidup ini...saatnya aku memulakan kaki ke pengajian tinggi..setelah puas berhempas pulas walaupun aku hadapi mcam2 kesusahan dulu..betul kata orang tua2.."berrakit-rakit dahulu..berenang ketepian..bersakit-sakit dahulu..bersenng-senang kemudian.." walaupun ak penat study dulu...last2 aku dapat keja walaupun time 2 ramai kawan2 belum dapat keja...rezeki aku..selama 8 bulan aku kerja dan macam-macam yang aku lalui..pahit manis..masam masin..last2 aku terpaksa berhenti sebab aku kena transfer pergi kuching dan dorg cuma bagi aku notis 14hari sebelum tarikh aku kena report duty..gembira sebab aku xpayah menghadap muka dorg lagi..last2 aku dapat tau dorg tidak berikan aku apa2..tiada rumah..tiada hotel sementara...tiada duet transfer..akhirnya aku kena akui itu adalah cara yang halus untuk menghalau aku dari syarikat tu...sebuah syarikat yang besar namun mempunyai barisan pengurusan yang mengamalkan pemerintahan kuku besi..dorg akan jaga bangsa sendiri dan bangsa lain akan disingkirkan..golongam biasa dikekalkan...golongan diploma dihapuskan..what a beauty culture..sahabat2 seperjuanganku yang lain suda di buang kerja..dan tinggal aku sorg saja lagi untuk dihapuskan dan itu adalah tugasan yang amat mudah sekali bagi mereka...suma harapan dorg menjadi kenyataan apabila aku menhantar notis 24jam kat station BKI..aku ingat permainan dorg untuk mainkan aku suda tamat selepas aku berhenti..tapi rupa2nya belum lg..duet overtime aku yang sepatutnya aku terima 26/9/2010 aku xterima sehinggalah ke hari ini.. 7/10/2010..aku bertanya dengan insan yang telah berjanji dengan aku bhawa aku akan dibayar..tp bila aku usul kembali kepada beliau..dia lepas tangan begitu itu sahaja..itulah kisahnya dikhianati oleh orang sendiri..terlalu sakit sehinggakan memberi kesan yang amat mendalam di dalam kehidupanku..aku sedar aku tidak boleh terus hidup dalam kesedihan macam ni..untuk memulakan hidup yang baru..aku perlu bangkit..aku perlu bina kembali semangat aku..pada mulanya aku ingin kembali ke negeri seberang untuk mencari diri dan rezekiku..tapi..kesihatan mama dan keadaan keluargaku tidak mengizinkanku untuk berbuat demikian..aku redha..aku sedar..ada hikmah disebalik semua ini..bak kata mama..back to the basic..aku memulakan kembali kerjayaku sebagai pembantu di dobi dengan hanya dibayar rm450 sebulan..bayangkan perbezaan antara kehidupanku selama 8bulan sebelum ini..dibayar rm1800 malah mencecah rm2k...inilah dikatakan kehidupan..aku yakin ada hikmah disebalik semua dugaan ini..dan hanya insan terpilih yang akan melalui sebagaimana yang aku lalui..kerana Allah menyayangiku..doakan semangatku semakin kuat untuk meneruskan hidup di muka bumi ini..untuk berbakti kepada kedua orang tuaku..

TEKANAN!!!

Ya Allah..semakin hari semakin banyak tekanan dalma hidup aku ni..aku pun xtaula kenapa aku yg mesti kena..sampaikan aku mo lari dari dunia yang realiti..kadang-kadang buat aku rasa macam aku ni tidak berguna langsung..keja..keja..keja..aku jujur bila aku mulakan keja aku tp napa ada je masalah yang timbul yang orang suka bangkitkan pasal aku..apa yang aku da buat sampai mcm ni skali layanan yang aku terima dari dorg..sedangkan aku buat kerja tanpa rasa nak lari dari skop aku tp selalunya benda tu yang akan jadi isu besar kepada bos2 aku..agaknya tu cara dorg nak aku quit agaknya..kalau aku nak quit pun aku ble je bla macam tu..tapi aku datang dengan cara yang baik..aku nak pergi dengan cara yang baik jugak..aku xnakla nama aku buruk hanya disebabkan attitude orang lain yang membabitkan aku sama dalam hal ni..sampaikan kadang kadang aku xmampu nak bersemuka dengan semua orang kat tempat keja..aku xfahamla..apa sebenarnya yang aku da buat..pokoknya sekarang ni..rehearsel konvo pagi ni..tp bos nak jumpa kat ofis..komfom nya akan mengundang masalah yang besar sebab bos nak diskus benda 2..sampaikan d1 cakap benda 2 da jd panas..apa benda yang jadi panas?benda 2 1st time aku buat tp da jadi besar macam ni sedangkan yang lain buat berkali2 xpenah nak jd apa2..aku pula sampai ke tangan head of department!aduiiii...macamlah kesalahan aku ni besar sangat..seolah2 aku mencuri..merosakkan property company..buat masalah yang besar..dorg nak explaination dari aku...aku jawab wlupun lambat dari date yang dia bg..then skrg explaination aku tulah aku kena jumpa dengan bos besar sekarang ni..aku rasa macam nak bunuh diri pun ada gak..kronik gila masalah yang aku hadapi skrg ni..tekanan perasaan yang teramat sangat!!tp bunuh diri bukanlah jalan yang baik..dan salah di sisi ISLAM..Ya Allah,kuatkanlah semangatku..semoga aku mampu harungi semua ini tanpa meninggalkan kesan yang mendalam..maksud aku bagi kesan yang negatif..menambah masalah dan menyusutkan kesihatan aku..masalahnya sekarang ni..sapa dalang dan punca suma ini??persoalan yang aku belum dapat jawapan sehingga ke hari ini...

come back!!

long time didn't post anything here..since last year i guess..huhu..too much stories to share but the time very jealous with me..everything i do..hahah...only can say with the word..everything that we have been planned before..not everything will be like we want..

bermulalah dengan kisah aku kenal dengan dak2..then rapat..seorang sahabat bertukar ke seorang yang lebih rapat.melibatkan hati dan perasaan..haha..sometimes its happy but sometimes it wasn't..pejam pelik..aku da tamat kolej hampir2 7bulan...bagi aku satu jangka masa yang panjang untuk konvo aku..akhirnya bulan 6 nti aku akan mendukung segulung diploma untuk usaha aku selama 2thn 6bln bertungkus lumus study siang malam wlupun kadang-kadang escape class and banyak lagi yang aku buat time kolej dulu..

pas last exam ja aku start buat praktikal kat satu company swasta dekat kl..company yang buat private investigation tuk insurance company..3 months i was there to learn something which i can use in my future..macam-macam yang aku belajar kat sana..ada yang manis ..tidak kurang ada juga ynag pahit tuk aku telan..can u imagine..for 3 months doing practicals then u didn't paid anything for everything you do for the company..how u want to live in kl if u don't have money???for me...3 months was enough for me to finish my OJT early..

31/12/2009..the day i went to LCCT to attented interview with AirAsia for position as Assistant Security Officer..together with lina..ain and siput..after a w weeks later..miss Kules was give me a call and told me that i pass their interview and she asked me to go to BP Diognisis at Cheras Murni for my medical checkup..im not very sure the date i went there..then on 27/01/2010..again miss kules gave me a call and told me that i have been offer to be part of security team in AirAsia and i need to report duty on 01/02/2010 at LCCT 9am..but 31/01/2010 my cousin Airuddin get married..i can't left the ceremony just like that..then i take the last flight from BKI - KUL on that night..i guess too much stories on how i getting to work on the next day..and im pretty sure i won't be last until tommorow to write it down here..hehhe

today..there was 3 month i join this team..too much of stories..but sometimes i cannot share with someone even my family members..today..27/04/2010..i just breakup my relation with someone..may be its the best way for us to end this relationship..everyday we get fight each other..everything he do for me was not right in front my eyes..may be its the best ways than i make him worst..may be its better for me to be alone for a while and concerntrade more on my profession..he cannot commit with my task anymore..always bubbling on me..everyday he's sad..i always scolded him..no wonder if someday im still alone without someone called boyfriend!

not feeling well....

last saturday...suppose to be my date day wif him...but im not feeling well...demam la plak taim 2...so b4 go to have a date wif him..he took me to go to poliklinik nearby my condo..as my request..can u guys imagine..they only give me panadol kk and ubat batuk...then he took me to The Curve in Damansara..only having n spent our weekand together even im not in good condition dat time..then having lunch in mcd..demam p gatal2 nak minum coke..pas2 jalan2 kat the curve..pas2 pg tgk wayang..harry potter..beli g mirinda besar..pas2 pekena lak dgn popcorn large..menjadi2 la batuk...balik umah 2 singgah jap kat hero bt.14 nak beli brg2 sket..kbtulan ari 2 ada pasar mlm..so beli mknan jap..dia anta blik umah..sampai2 je kat umah..trus lending...xdpt nak bgn da...badan letih sgt...sedar2...along n shikin da letak air asam jawa kat dahi..mmg teruk jgkla demam mlm 2..pas2 badan mengigil2...mmg xlarat r...pagi2 g bgn msj dgn dia..mgadu r tgh skt..pas2 msj mama..da xlarat nak berckap..suara da xda..pad2 dia nak dtg bwk g hsptal swasta tp petang sket around kul3..taim 2 br kul10..mmg da sakit teruk r..xble nak bgn..pas2 mama kol abang..dia bwk g kpmc...1st time dlm hidup amik darah..da xkisah da time 2..wat i know...cptla sembuh..nak tau apa kputusan dia...samada jangkitan bakteria o virus...bakteria cuma demam besa tp klu jangkitan virus 2...fhm2 la virus skrg ni..h1n1..nauzubillah...pas amik darah..kn tgu brapa minit...pas2 br dpt result...nsb bek cm jangkitan bakteria je...erm..mmg teruk r..pas2...bil medication je da smpai rm114..mcm nak pengsan dgr angka 2..yela..apa tak nya..demam besa je..tp mahal mcm 2..pas2 cita kat mama..dia cakap xkisahla yg penting sihat..nasibla da ok sket..da ble nak tgk laptop...nak buat keja sket even masih pening2..yang penting da ada selera makan...cepat2la sembuh xtahan sakit macam ni...tp yang paling kelakarnya..dia suka lak sy sakit..jahat kan??huhu..dia ckp klu sy sakit..dia suka dgr suara sy..lembut je mcm org manja..ekele..kte sakit dia xtau..payah nak tahan suara 2..xnak batuk...tp papun...im glad he taking good care of me..thanx to God 4 give him to be me...ada hikmah Dia amik suma yang saya ada dlu..sbb Dia nak bagi yang lagi baik untuk saya...

29.7.09

erm...the day dat i never expect happen even once in my life..but its my destiny..redha dgn ketentuan ALLAH..mayb there is some reason why all dis happen..but sometimes its make me down..after everything dat i have through together wif him..it still means nothing..why??i alraedy do da best in dis relation..not blaming to anybody...mayb the mistake is also from me..but...what i know..i've been all out..he never saw dat..and im very sure..he never appreciate me as me appreciate him!!btw...thanx 4 being a part of life..even it short..mayb the time is not enough..as a human being..we must appreciate watever we have..

huhuh

today is wonderful day for me...hanging out with him even only go to national library in kl..but it so sweet for me...he came from sentul and take me in puchong..help me make some research for my assignment..how can u guys imagine..everything he do for me...but im felt sorry for him...bcoz..im never hanging out together with him...i mean only two of us..at the first date..i came together with my baby..accompany him to have a lunch even im fasting..huhuh...then the second date hanging out together with syiera..have some lunch together and that time...we go to shah alam..what are romantic and im very sure that can count the couple who take their patner to the mousqe..hehhe...we go to Masjid Sultan Abd Aziz in Shah Alam..hehhe..have solat together..huhu...really mizz that time..im happy to have him as mine..but are so funny here is..every time we have our date..there are always my frenz join us..somtimes i think what he will say to me..until this evening..actually he invite me to have some reunion with his fren in Wangsa Maju but..it was cancelled cause he dun want my fren go back home by bus..he always want to make me happy because my fren is everything for me..he send my fren go home..then he take me to giant..to buy some chocolate for me..as his promise..hehe...finally..we are alone..ate ice-cream together..so sweet!huhh...miss him so much and im lucky to have him in my life....

happinest is mine!!!

hhuhuhu....4.7.2009...date that i know him...nothing special about him..mayb he treat me nicely...there is long time 4 me 2 forget some1..tp...knl dia buat aku rasa mcm da lama kenal dia..entala.mayb dia ek kot..tau mcmna nak lyn ak ni..dala ak ni byk songeh sket..mula2 mmg susah nak rapat dgn dia..can u imagine??dia ckp kntek dgn ak rimas...adoiiii...mati la..sejak ari 2 aku stat jauhkan diri dari dia..tp yg besnya...dia cari ak lak.hehehhe..bangga ak jap.sapa suh...kunun2 nak limit msg dgn ak la...tup2 dia yg xble nak tido...xble klu xkntk dgn ak..padan muka!pasal adik lak..ari 2 mama ckp adik dpt keja..bla da sampai ari nak g keja 2...ada masalah laa...company 2 bkn nak cari clerk..tapi nak cr pegawai pemasaran..dorg pilih adik ak.tp masalahnya adik ak xkonfiden dia dpt buat job 2..so dia tarik diri...bkn sng nak dpt keja 2..tp apa ble buat..bkn rezeki adik ak...dia xkonfiden ble handle job 2..sbb responsible job 2 besar sgt..mayb pada org yg berusia 20thun keatas senangla..tp adik br 17thun..tlalu muda..so xdela desak dia sgt..keja adik...kena deal dgn boss2 besar..jumpa klien..adik xda konfident g..xpela..pas2 mama ckp..nak masukkan adik kat ptpl..amik dip...mcm besa..mama akan tnya opinion aku n abang..klu bg pihak ak..ok je..tp pihak abang lak..dia xberapa setuju..abang suh adik masuk ilp..pas2 continue kat ciast..ntala...skrg ni...suma kptsan kat tangan adik.cian dia...dia da lama duk umah..da bosan duk umah..wish she got the best 4 her future...diala satu2nya adik ak..klu bkn ak n abang yg amik tau...sapa lg???!

lovely adik...

mama said...adik got a job..as a clerk in a company..im not sure which the company is it..but what i know..untie Naimah..the person who are responsible on this..she help my sis find the job..after she heard from my mum..that adik have been work as housekeeper in a private hospital..actually..it help her to get some knowledge and experience how to survive life without someone to lend a hand..actually..im very proud of her because she was very young..( not really young she 17years old act )..because i only have her as my sister..she always share her problem with me..about her feeling..her study..last month when im going back to home town..when i see her..i said..how big my sis now..there is long time not see her..now..i getting confuse where i will send my sister to continue her future study..i only just want her to have better future..if not me and my brother...who else want to take care of her right??my parent already tired to think about their children..so its the time for me and my bro to take hand over her..the only sister that we have..i remember..before im going home..i'll buy something for her and my mum..she always asking me to buy her a necklace..and also perfume..huh!she might be thinking that her sister ( Me ) have a lots of money...hehhehe...what i know...she very hardworking person..always clean up our house for everyday..but when i came back..she become a lazy..u know why??she said i can do it..ermmm...my little sister..when i have a called from mama..she always told me adik have been diet to maintain her body..hahhah..but when the time i arrived at home..she lost her diet..when i eat..she joined me.. when i have my drink..she also joined me..because she mizz me so much..i only spent time about 2-3 weeks at home then back to college..thats why...whatever looks like my sis..she always be my sis..and i love her so much..my lovely sis...NUR ATIQAH RAMLEE!

mama..abah...

i miss that person so much..just wait the time..i'll coming home and never left u anymore...mama...the person who i care n love much..she always taking care of me..she also be a good fren even sometimes she scolded me..hehhe..mama..Mrs Norlela HJ Aneh...who was born on 25 jun 1963...there's only a day before her 46th birthdays...dis year..same with the other years...i and my brother are not together to celebrate her birthday...because we are far from our family..i just want her to know that her son and her daughter never forget her and how much we care of her...like the other years...even we are not there..we are not forget to sending her birthday card..abah..Mr Ramlee Salleh...the husband of mrs norlela...who was born on 25 july 1964...only a year and a month young from his beloved wife..hehehe...it so romantic...they married on 5 april 1988 in the same date of my birthday..how lucky i am...my mum said...she delivered me during their 3th anniversary...hahaha..that's why...they love me much...huhuh..im glad to be their daughter..and i've promise myself to not make them cry for my failures..but make them cry for my success...amiin

waiting...and will keep waiting...

Today…almost a month he left me…im try 2 forget him…but I can’t even it tried it..day by day..it become worse to me…why??actually I miss him so much…I can lied to my fren about my feeling..but I can’t lied my own feeling..that I love and miss him so much…until now…I still remember him..what suppose I to do forget him??i dun want he lost from my mind..and I always pray that he will keep inside my mind for the rest of my life…and I hope he will do so..there is a lots of memories between me and him..i cant stop from thinking him…I always pretend that I already forget him in front of my fren..but actually..i miss him so much..now..i lost him..not only in my life..i’ve tried contacted him but..i guess he already change his number to avoid me from contact him..im still wait for him…I can’t throw him out from my life…I’ve promise to myself for not forget him…and I always waiting for him…how can I forget him??although we have same birth sign on our right arm…that was a accidently happen without we know before we starting the relationship..we only know after we hang out together..i saw his first then I told him about mine..that’s so sweet to remember…I still remember..he request me to made two sampan kertas when I came back to Sabah in the early of our relation which is in May..he ask me to wrote down his name inside the sampan and my name inside the other sampan then leave them to across the river..actually I wrote our name inside the both of the sampan…so that’s mean..the sampan and also another sampan have both name…I made it special for him..the reason why he ask me to made it…only to know which sampan will be the first across the river..to know how much I love him…that is so sweet right??but I put our name inside the both of the sampan..with the meaning..i will always with him..and never left him behind…it’s the intro in our relation..i gave him a simple bufday card..and wrote down how lucky I am to have him..and thank him bcoz choosing me to be his soulmate...I still remember when he talked with my lovely mak long and tell her how much he love me…and promise to taking good of me..there is a lots of memories about us..and I can’t simply forget him just like that..i share my feeling to make he know..how much I care n love him… and im still wait…and wait!

ketenangan...

last nite...is the nite where i got the opportunity to tell him what i have keep inside my heart...4 a month since our relation is over..he pretend like nothing happen between he and me...he never spent time even only 5minutes 4 me to tell him what i felt..and i guees he afraid to face up the reality..he break me up..then when i asked him to tell me the truth...he never tell me and refuse to stop contact me..i felt like so stupid..it was wonderful moment when i know him a year ago...he love me...he taking care of me...and he always give me advise...but now??im only a doll 4 him..huhuhuh...but in the end...i got what i want..what r so funny when u need to be someone else only to know the truth...but luckily..i got what i want..im nothing 4 him..i spent a year with him..but he told sisca (actually me) that he never fall in love for 4years since his late gf was passed away in an accident...huh!only GOD know what i felt that time...thank to GOD...now..i dont have any feeling to a person name...GUY!!!

19 jun 2009

arini rasanya mcm hari yg gelap untuk ak..ak ingatkan pas setahun lamanya..
dia msh tunggu ak..tapi aku salah.rupa2nya...dia da ada pengganti ak..napa baru arini ak tahu??mmg ak cuma sayang dia sbgai kawan..tp ak mengharapkan dia msh syg ak mcm dlu..tamak ka aku??dia sepatutnya hidup bahagia dari dlu lg..cuma aku mencarinya kembali selepas ak putus dgn insan yg membuatkan ak meninggalkannya setahun dlu...betapa ruginya ak..yang kukejar xdapat..yang kugendong berciciran..kini dia dalam di lema...aku xminta dia meninggalkan orang yang mampu buat dia lupakan ak...cuma aku betul2 terkilan..ak da kehilangan orang yang ak sayang dalam tempoh setahun ni...malah yang sedihnya..aku baru tahu arini..selama stgh tahun..sahabatku menyimpan rahsia dr pengetahuanku...teman yang pernah rapat n akhirnya menjadi musuhku selama ini..adalah sahabat dnia dan akhiratku...tidak kusangka..aku ingatkan dia yang membuatkan family kekasihku membenciku sehingga meminta dia meninggalkan aku..YA ALLAH..betapa berdosanya ak pada sahabatku...hanya kerana seorang lelaki yang blm byk yang kutahu tentang hati budinya....aku sanggup bermusuhan dengan sahabatku sendiri..kini...seseorang yang pernah aku sayang sebelum ini..yang menjadi kekasihku sebelum dia...telah meninggalkan aku dengan pesanan..."...jadilah seorang yang matang...dan fahamilah keadaan saya...sebagaimana awk boleh meninggalkan saya kerana seorang lelaki yang awk blm kenal hati budinya...terimala hakikat...doakan kebahagiaan saya..."terasa macam nak mati bila aku mendengar kata2 itu..terlalu mendalam...YA ALLAH...hanya Engkau yang mengetahui di sebalik kejadian yang menimpa diriku...cuma..aku masih belum kuat utuk lalui suma ini..suma terjadi dengan terlalu pantas..alangkah bagusnya klu aku dapat mengundurkan masa dan memperbaiki segalanya...hakikatnya ia adalah mustahil..ak redha dengan suma ini..walaupun aku masih belum dapat menerima sepenuhya..esok adalah bufdaynya..hanya doa yang dapat aku berikan kepadanya..semoga dia akan bahagia bersama insan yang mampu membuatkan dia berjaya melupai diriku....

what are u doing during your holiday..its that fun??join n give any comment on my blog... ape yang korang akan buat taim cuti..xkisah r cuti ape2 pun..cuti sem ke..cuti sekolah ke..cuti keje ke..xkisah r..klu aku kan..cuti sem lepas cuti yang paling bes tau x..sbb cuti sem lepas aku abiskan masa cuti aku dengan perkara yg berfaedah ow..aku jaga kedai makan..kdai family aku..slama ni aku tengok senang je urus kedai makan ni..tapi sebenarnya x..penat siot...pas2 kan..dulu bila amik mkanan pas2 dorang charge mahal2..aku mengamuk..tapi bila da tau..aku da xkisah..yela..charge makanan 2 berdasarkan harga barang2 yang diperlukan dalam masakan 2...baru aku tau..pas2 aku g kursus buat kek, ban 'n' pastri..ala yang korang selalu beli kat kedai 2..mcm king's..aku da reti buat kek black forest..da xpayah beli kat kedai bila aku bufday nanti kan..buat sendiri sudah...macam2 g yang aku dapat belajar hari 2..aku da letih menaip ni...ape kate korang lak bagi komen or share taim cuti korang yang lepas2 dengan kengkawan kita yang len k...